Shit never ends

All I'm saying on the subject tonight. I'll have a mental breakdown if I write more :( 

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Never fucking ending. Fucking fed up.

Woke up this morning and threw up before taking my pills. After I ate a bagel with cream cheese. I kept it down. Then I ate oatmeal and threw up. 

After I was supposed to meet a friend. Before leaving the house I had a slice of meat and then left the house. 

My friend asked to meet me in an hour. So instead I went to the mall. I walked around the mall and started to feel dizzy. 

I ran to target, got a bag of chips, ice tea and Mac and cheese and a new purse (always a shopaholic).

I ran to the car and started eating a bit. I drove home and changed purses.

I then went to Tim's for coffee. I got an Oreo ice cap. I know not healthy but I don't care. 

I got home around six and wanted to make supper but I started feeling nauseous. I made my way to the bathroom and started puking my guts out.

--managed to keep down half an egg sandwich.

**stress alert** found out my aunt might have cancer. Emergency surgery will be next week.

I really don't feel well tonight. I can't think straight so imma sleep a bit. Night xx

Long day ---

Never know a title I should write.

So today has been an okay day. Stomach has been hurting all day and I still feel nauseous but I only puked as soon as I woke up in the morning and once again in the afternoon.

I puke when I eat and I puke on an empty stomach. It's like I'm never winning. I managed to eat some toast with a little bit of eggs today, some fruit, 2 spring rolls, oatmeal and popcorn.

Popcorn may have taken my body too far. I feel extremely gross from it and super dehydrated. With all the throwing up I've felt dehydrated as it is and I made it worse.

Also lately when I puke on an empty stomach it feels like my bladder is giving out. Very close to peeing myself when puking.

Actually my bladder has been screwed up today. I really had to pee before and went and not even a few minutes later I really had to go again. Didn't know my body could hold so much liquid in so little time. Every time I pee feels like my stomach contracts.

My intestines feel like they are giving out too. Lots of cramps and having to rush to the bathroom. I know it's not normal but not something that is fully concerning me just yet. However, the burning pain feels like I'm about to get my period.

I got my period a few days late, and it lasted 1 day. It was a painless very light flow for no time. Completely not normal for me. I'm one who has a heavy flow for 7 days with extreme pain. I don't know it I should have it checked out or not?

Anyways I'm exhausted and going to try and sleep a bit especially to sleep off this stomach pain now. Goodnight 

Update on weight loss progression so far

End to my day

Life saver food. Wasn't feeling well earlier after puking 3x (especially after spaghetti) I made the one meal that my body has yet to give up. Kraft dinner and it worked. Not only did I feel better I also kept a red velvet pop tart down after, 2 vegetarian spring rolls and now I'm waiting on if the cereal I just ate will stay down.

Cereal I ate was at 10pm. I wasn't going to eat it but it felt like my insides were eating me from the inside so I caved in.

Right now my focus is to get healthy. So that means eating what I want when I can (will keep trying all healthy stuff) until I know I can keep meals down. Once that starts happening then I will start back will all the healthy stuff. 

Also I did my first workout since Friday (Friday had a very good skate). I swam 80 laps in my pool.

Problem with eating now after not able to eat/keep anything down is the mind games my head is playing. 

I managed to eat the kraft dinner and the pop tart and my brain was telling me I need to hit the gym ASAP that I'm getting fat...after a week of not eating? 

I know today was a betterish day and I know tomorrow can be a bad day again. I'm tired of throwing up but it'll probably still happen for at least another week. Last year was 2 months before I stopped throwing up so I'm not holding my breath. 

Issues with sex drive

So embarrassing to even talk about some issues but it has to deal with the medical issues I'm going through. 

Lately my sex drive has been way off...actually scratch that it's been turned off. 

Nothing has been getting me going. It can take more then 15 minutes just to get an orgasm feeling no mind actually having one. 

Even if I do get the feeling it dies down after a few mins and I'm left frustrated. 

I'm beginning to think that my body thinks I have an eating disorder and this is why it's happening. I don't I just can't keep much food down lately.  I guess there are also many other reasons but we will see...

Day so far

Today has been a quiet day.

I woke up and was feeling nauseous but my stomach had a 20 minute delayed reaction before I started throwing up bile. 

After my stomach settled for the morning I took the first pill and sat outside for thirty minutes waiting to be allowed to eat.

My stomach feels like it's being eaten inside out. Yet no matter what I eat I can't keep it down. 

After 30 mins was up, I are half a bagel with some bio-organic cream cheese and a glass of lactose free milk. 

I managed to keep that down. I ate some salty chips when I felt nauseous about an hour later but my stomach was already too far gone. I threw up the chips.

For lunch almost right after I made half a cup of pasta with some spaghetti sauce and lactose free cheese. 

25 minutes later I ran to the bathroom and started throwing up again. My stomach now is still burning from the pain and I still can't keep food down? Is it ever going to be better? 

Give up?

Im over tired tonight. It's just after 10pm and I'm already in bed. I don't feel well, want to throw up but forcing my body not too since my parents are in the other room. My ribs and chest are killing me and I feel like fainting.

Today I managed to keep a bit of pork down, some salted chips and a gluten free carrot cake. All this doesn't even reach to 550 calories.

I'm crabby like you wouldn't believe. The exhaustion and really not feeling well lately is taking over my body. By breasts are also killing me.

I almost snapped several times today. Just the type of mood I'm in. 

Off to sleep before I throw up again and we will see what tomorrow brings. Good night xoxox

^^Earlier today. Nausea took control over my body. 

Supper

Just finished eating a souvlaki with a bit of sauce. Took the lactose pills again since the sauce is sour cream...dairy. 

Besides the salty chips from earlier all I've kept down is this meat. 

Just checked the ulcer pills and realised that I can only take them 30 mins before breakfast so I have another night of suffering. 

Been drinking quite a bit of water and tea today even if tea is not good for the ulcers...right now I don't care.

My energy level has hit rock bottom and I just want to sleep. 

Will update more soon xxx

Pills

Pills so far. My purse jingles now 

Salttttt

I know these are unhealthy but they are the only things I can keep down and not throw up. I've tried everything else like melon, sugar, salt, healthy, non healthy and haven't been able too.

Not sure how much salt there is in here but it's absorbing the acid. 

My stomach feels like it's dying. Burns non stop. Not only am I throwing up first thing when I wake up, but also random points during the day and now after eating (not forcing it). I got my pills and I'm working on switching my diet.

Pills are for 1 month, then we will see where I'm at. 3-6 months diet change and no pain killers for the month I'm on these pills. After this month is done I will update more. One answer down now to figure out what's causing the pain for me to need pain meds 

Stomach ulcers Part 2

Morning so far. Went to get the blood tests and walked into the clinic. Never seen so many people in one room. There was a line all the way down the hallway and around the corner (didn't go any further so I have no idea how much longer) and the waiting room was jam packed. All the chairs were full, people were sitting on the floor and even standing?

Hell no. Was not waiting there any longer. Walked out and went to timmies with my best friend (who was nice enough to come with me at the godly hour). Yes I paid as a thank you.

Tim Hortons I decided to test my lactose theory once again. I ordered a bagel with butter and cream cheese along with a medium ice cap made with milk. Usually this would make me look like I'm nine months pregnant, but instead I took the pills and still look pretty thin in comparison. 

^^ right after eating/drinking what I said above with the lactose pills. 

--after leaving there we headed to a different clinic and asked to see a doctor ASAP. They told me to come back in 45 minutes so had just enough time to go home (very little speeding 😋) and feed chirp-chirp.

^^chirp-chirp- wild life rescue robin. (Or angry bird)

--I made my way back to the doctors and sat in the waiting room for 7 minutes before being called in. (Quebec health care is never this fast but I won't complain).

I talked to the doctor about my stomach burning all the time (since taking the pain killers last month). Also said I was nauseous and throwing up every morning (all yellow acid) and she did a small examination and asked me why I thought it was stomach ulcers. I told her I had them not even a year ago and she looked into my medical file and saw in august I had them. She gave me a prescription (same one I had last time) for a month instead of 3.

The reason being is I went sooner this time then I did the last time so it is easier to treat. I have to take the pills for a month, then if it's not better go back and see my family doctor and if it is then I should get a coating for my pain meds to not cause these ulcers.

Apparently once you get ulcers your body becomes prone to them and things can trigger them- caffeine/stress/pain meds/alcohol. 

Morning

6am. Up to go for a blood test. Sat up and immediately started puking my guts out, didn't even make it out of bed. Acid all coming up burns (can't eat or drink anythig yet) and my ribs and chest hurt from throwing up. 

5 week weightloss difference with some swelling

List of what I have/might have

Here's where we are at so far since 2010.  List of diagnoses that have been confirmed/unconfirmed and working on being confirmed. All the diagnosis I've been given since this hell has started the first time around.

-endometriosis (not 100% confirmed will explain on a later date)

-Over Active Bladder (confirmed && if you spend a day with me you would automatically know)

-PCOS (possible but not confirmed)

-stomach ulcers (had before probably again)

-lactose allergy (confirmed but not that severe one that makes you sick every time)

-irritable bowel syndrom (possible but not get confirmed.

-gluten allergy (possible not confirmed)

-binge/starve eating disorder (confirmed but trying to control) 

-Mono, (doctor told me I probably have it, had all symptoms but never been tested)

-diabetes (doctor thought I had it but blood tests all came out good, thankfully)

-Bladder infections (get them quite often) 

Injuries: 

Torn knee ligaments 5x right knee

Torn knee ligaments 1x left knee

Whiplash 3x 

Torn stomach muscle

Hip injury

Back injury

Popped out right shoulder 2x 

Sprained ankle 

Two sprained wrists

Had both intestines tested and my colon and all were healthy.

For now I'm still waiting on answers and proper diagnosis.

I gained 25+ pounds in a two year span that I'm working hard on getting rid of. Eating right, exercising right (yes I have some off days but not like before) changing eating habits. Weight is hardly coming off even if I'm feeling better but I'm still pushing. 

Waiting to finally get diagnosed and hopefully that will help me become pain free and healthy. Keep going back to the drawing board until we find something. 

Some pictures of my stomach

****not comfortable uploading these pictures but I want people who are suffering this to know they are not alone, and for those who aren't suffering to understand those who are****

Recently my stomach keeps bloating up for no apparent reason. Almost certain it is a lactose allergy but still testing out alternatives.

Pic above shows almost 0 swelling to my stomach. Still working on getting muscles since tearing it in 2010. Still haven't been able to wear jeans either.

This picture shows almost no stretch marks. Last month. I ate sour cream and there was a minor change.

So this is what happens when I eat ice cream on a hot day? Look almost six months pregnant. 

Showing there is nothing under my shirt and my body really swelled up.

Shirt on after eating kraft dinner. No I wasn't pregnant in this picture either.

There you have it, unexplained bloating. 

Ps: see these stretch marks? Two/three months ago I only had one. My stomach bloats so much so fast that my skin can't adjust to it. Every time I look more and more come. I'm using cream and it doesn't help.

Could be IBS-causes bloating but another time we have to figure this out. 

Part 2-to date

Well guys, I think it's time to do a medical update. People know how much I hate talking about medical issues but...if me or anyone else who has what I have will ever get a cure, we have to step up and talk about what is happening.

For information leading up to my diagnosis, ready the post before...

So when I was diagnosed with endo, the doctor kept trying to have me take birth control pills. I tried for a month and in that month I was getting see bad symptoms. It started off with fatigue, dizziness and lead to me not having much of an appetite to not keeping food down. 

After that month I went against doctors orders and stopped taking the birth control pills. 

I said screw endometriosis and decided to live my life for another few months without seeing any more doctors. At first I thought I was doing a good job when for a couple of months the pain was barely there. 

Even though the pain was gone I should have taken into account that it was not normal my periods were heavy flow up to seven days...which was not as normal as I originally thought. Along with heavy/long lasting flows, when I peed while on my period I peed a lot of blood clotty looking things. Some were the size of a dime while others were the size of the palm of my hand. 

Another few months went on until 2013. I don't remember the exact date, except I was still in school and finishing off a semester (April ish). 

The pain started getting worse months before and I knew it was time to go back and figure this out once and for all...no matter how drained I was mentally. I got an emergency appointment with a top doctor in Montreal...the same building from the doctor who diagnosed me with a torn stomach muscle a few years earlier.

I managed to get the emergency appointment the same day I asked for it. However, I had to miss a class at school for this. (It was nearing exams but I took the risk...as health was more important in the long-run).

I sat in the waiting room for nearly two hours before I was called in to see the doctor. 

I went in and sat with him. He went over options for endometriosis that he wants me to try. Including...yup, you got it, birth control (again).

Other options were pregnancy (it works) and surgery...except with the surgery we would have to find a back alternative once the endo was cleared and we did not have one. 

We discussed it for over an hour, and he said people with endometriosis usually have something else with it. Like endometriosis is caused by another illness. Some of the ones he brought up were cysts on ovaries, irritable bowel syndrome, over-active bladder and POCS. He said over time we would look further into the cause.

Judging on past: I thought it could have been cysts...or even an over-active bladder like my doctor once told me I had.

I left the room, and went to buy birth control pills. These are stronger then the last ones and I was hoping they would work.

I took them for four days before I had to stop. I became over emotional to a point i was not happy with life. I cried endlessly and it got to a point I wanted to harm myself/possibly end life. And I know sometimes everyone has those feelings here and there, I have too but not to the point where I was physically about to do it.

I got off the pills and it took the whole entire summer for me to recover emotionally from them. 

In august (few months off those pills) I started waking up every morning and puking almost instantly. 98% of the time I did not have enough time to walk ten steps to the bathroom. It felt like my body was paralyzed because I was never able to move during the puking episode.

Some days I would make it to the bathroom and helplessly lay on the floor until it ended. Some days it would not happen until an hour after I woke up and was out of the house.

The puke was yellow bile and my insides burned all the time. With the endometriosis, I was taking pain medication along with birth control that irritated my stomach so bad, doctors diagnosed me with stomach ulcers.

I got the medication to treat the ulcers, but was not allowed to use any pain medication, no caffeine, alcohol or acidy type things for over 3 months.

It took two months before the throwing up stopped every morning. And another two months before the burning eventually stopped.

In April I went back to see my regular doctor and told her the endo pain has been less then some other months. Little did I know I just jinxed myself.

The next two months were brutal with the endo pain. April wasn't as bad as May and may wasn't as bad as June. In June I cried myself to sleep for almost two weeks from the stomach pain. It felt like someone was stabbing me and carving a pumpkin inside my stomach all at the same time. Ice packs, heat pads, hot water bottles...even cream, you name it, I tried it...and it did not work. 

I barely had the energy to get out of bed. I skated once in those ten days, had an appointment with my nutritionist and the rest of the time I was curled up in bed crying. I took loads of pain killers, over the dose I should have per day by nearly double for almost the full week and they barely helped.

Mid June I saw my family doctor again and she prescribed a blood test, 24 hour urine test and gave me a referral to another doctor. She said we will still check for the endometriosis but she thinks in have something unrelated.

The last day of June came. My anxiety level hit it's max. I had a major anxiety attack where I cried after for four hours. The following day July 1st I woke up throwing up so much and so unexpected I couldn't get out of bed before it happened.

It lasted nearly an hour and I felt paralyzed until I stopped throwing up. I went on with my day but had zero appetite. I ate maybe one full  meal throughout the full day. However I did skate and had a very good one to say the least.

For the following days I had the same morning pattern where I woke up and kept throwing up. 

Now we are here today...I'm still throwing up every morning, progressing to after some meals too. Barely made it home yesterday before I started puking (became a badass driver 😋) 

My chest and ribs have been hurting so much this week I've been taking double doses of pain killers again. I know I most likely have stomach ulcers from them again but I had to take them. Taking short breaths hurt no mind long ones or yawning. 

Tomorrow I'm going for my blood test. I will also be doing my 24 hour urine culture (if my pills don't effect it), as well I have a hip xray to go too, as well as having to see a doctor about throwing up all the time.

Will keep you posted ❤️😘